Late

I was late for work one day. It happens. I walked in and said 'morning' to a colleague and they replied;

'Afternoon'

By the time I had got to my desk quite a few people had come out with the same witless shit.

Finally my Boss said;

'Good afternoon.'

His mysterious disappearance, although upsetting for his Family, has left his colleagues opportunities for advancement.

Time

My Wife said;

'Gosh it's six O' Clock. I only looked at the Clock five minutes ago and it was half past Four.'

Where do you think we are love, the fucking Tardis?

Dangerous

Criticising me in a what they believed to be a humorous way, someone said to me;

'If you had a Brain, you'd be dangerous!'

You are about to find out that I am.

Day

Ever heard anyone say this?

'I keep thinking it's Thursday today'

Well, I keep thinking it's your last day today. Bet I'm the one that's right.