Watch

Can I watch the TV dad?

'Yes, but don't turn it on.'

An orphan so young.

Biscuits

I put a large plate of biscuits out for a meeting at work and this guy says;

'What are you going to eat?'

Your wife's pussy.

Woods

Fancy a pint?

'Do Bears shit in the woods?'

Well You can find out when I've buried you in them.

Dollar

How's work going?

'Another day, another Dollar'

You really don't deserve to earn that much.

Same

How's work going?

'Same shit, different day'

Same you as well unfortunately.

Mud

I showed someone some instructions and they said;

'They're as clear as Mud'

Best you become familiar then, as you're going to be under 6 feet of the stuff.

Desk

I was having a fag outside the office and a colleague said to me;

'You might as well move your desk out here!'

Well you might as well move yours to the cemetary, because that's where you're destined.