Camp

I do not have a problem expressing my anger and actually I find it rather therapeutic. Imagine my chagrin then, when a work colleague said;

'You're not a happy camper today'

I couldn't help chuckling at the irony of how a body bag did look a bit like a sleeping bag.

End

I had had some bad news and a friend said;

'It's not the end of the World'

It is for you

Wood

Being optimistic but also fearing fate a friend said;

'Touch Wood'

I touched them with a baseball bat. That's touching wood for you mate.

Cap

I accused someone of being stupid and they said;

'If the Cap fits, wear it'

Size 9 concrete boots for you then.

Half

I greeted someone, 'all right?' and they chose to respond;

'No mate, I'm half left'

Left for dead, that's how I fucking left him.

Fire

I said that I doubted someone's theory and they said;

'Well, there's no smoke without fire'

I certainly proved that there is smoke with fire, by setting his hair alight.