Farewell

Another Farewell Banality.......

'See You, wouldn't want to be You'

That's right You wouldn't, because I'm going to prison for killing You.

Slap

Commenting on something of moderate good fortune, someone might comment

'Well it's better that a slap in the face with a wet fish'

Well I don't doubt it but it is highly unlikely that I am going to be slapped in the face by a wet fish. Or poked in the eye with a pointed stick for that matter.

Date

What's the Date? An innocous enough question. Someone says the 28th. Fine, but why follow it up with

'It's the 28th mate. All day.'

Someone shut these people up!

Tea

Ever offered someone a cup of Tea? Of course you have.
'How would you like it?' you ask...

The Reply?

'Warm and Wet'

Silly me, I was going to give you a cup of cold, dry Tea.
Fool!

Diet

So many people are trying to lose weight. It's easy, don't eat too much. Do you know any people who have been on the Sea food diet?

'See Food and I eat it!'

Yes, that's obvious.

Toys

Heard this one?

'I bought my kids all these really expensive toys for Christmas (Birthday) and they just wanted to play with the Box'

Well that's odd beacause my kids played with the Scalectrix. Maybe your kids are losers?

Christmas

'Christmas is just so commercial nowadays isn't it?'

Because you don't buy three times more food than you need and shower your family in junk they don't want, do you?

Window

Instead of saying 'see you', some people may choose to say;

'If I don't see you through the week, I'll see you through a window'

I might put you through a window mate.

Goodbye

When I say goodbye to someone in person I may choose to say 'See you' or 'See you later'.
Sometimes the response will be;

'Not if I see you first'

Well, no. That's not someone I will be seeing again.

Weather

We have a varied climate in the UK. We should be used to it really. And when it rains?

'Nice weather. (pause) If you're a Duck!!'

This is just not acceptable behaviour I'm afraid.

Cannibalism

Heard this one? You're talking about kids and some joker pipes up, as if he's the first to say it....

'I love kids. Mind you I couldn't eat a whole one.'

That's right. Because you'd choke and that would be a massive loss to us all.

Women

'Women! Can't live with them. Can't live with them.'

Go on then. Leave. Cook your own food and clean up your own filth. You couldn't stand on your own two feet if you had concrete boots on.

Wellbeing

So I worked with this guy who thought he was funny. He was actually a pest. Ask him how he was and he always replied the same way.......

'Not three bad'

This can be used in other ways, for example; 'I could do with a drink or three.'

Bring back hanging, that's what I say.

Kids

Got kids? I have. Kids are great. Can be hard work, but the rewards are massive. The biggest Banality you hear about kids?

'They grow up so quickly, don't they?'

No. It takes the same number of years it took you.

Weekend

Monday morning and you're dragging yourself into the job you have convinced yourself is a career. And of course you ask your colleagues if they had a good weekend. How do they answer?

'Yes, but it goes too quickly doesn't it.'

And it's not just the dullards, is it. It's people who you thought were intelligent and lived fulfilling lives, had loving families and active social lives. But apparently it goes too quickly for them as well. Banals!