Roll

A colleague was feeling tired of life and exclaimed;

'Roll on Christmas'

Why? Are you leaving then?

6

Having been surprised, my friend said;

'It really knocked me for six'

So did I. With a cricket bat.

Africa

Remember your Mum saying this when you hadn't finished your tea?

'There are starving children in Africa who would love to have that in front of them.'

With all due respect Mother, I don't think anyone would want to have this in front of them.

Waste

Remember your Mum saying this when you hadn't finished your tea?

'Waste not, want not'

Bollocks! I still want new parents.

Million

Remember your Mum saying this?

'If I've told you once, I've told you a million times........ '

Fuck off Mum.

Feather

I said something someone was surprised at and they said;

'Well knock me down with a Feather'

I'd rather use this brick if it's ok with you.

Complain

How are you?

'Can't complain'

Why not? The world's shit while you're in it.

ill

Someone I knew was ill, so I asked them how they were;

'I'll live'

I doubt that.

Medicine

I offered someone an alcoholic drink and they accepted with the phrase;

'Oh go on then, just for medicinal purposes'

Yeah, you need medicine you sick fuck.

Horse

I was making someone some food and they said;

'I'm so hungry I could eat a Horse'

Eat Lead you prick.

n.b. I also understand that 'scabby cat' is a favourite of Banals.

Broken

I suggested that we make some changes at work and someone said;

'If it isn't broken, don't fix it'

Fix this broken leg you fucker.

Dull

To express how busy he was at work, a colleague said to me;

'Never a dull day!'

Never another day for you mate.

Rehearsal

I said that I didn't want to join in with something and someone said;

'Life's not a rehearsal'

Curtains closed for you, you prick.

Face

I congratulated a colleague on a job well done and they replied;

'I'm not just a pretty face you know'

No. You're a pretty fucking ugly face you know.

Chips

Exclaiming how inexpensive something was, someone said to me;

'They are as cheap as chips'

Like you're wife.

Eggs

Stating that some thing is a definite someone might say;

'As sure as eggs is eggs'

As sure as eggs is eggs, you're a gonner

Trying

A friend of mine asked what I was doing. I said 'I'm trying to fix this light', to which she replied;

'Trying? Yes, you're very trying'

I tried her. Found her guilty. She got hung.

Young

I said I was old at 39 years and someone said;

'You're as old as the Woman you feel'

Great, that's just taken off 25 years

Old

I said that I was old at 39 years and someone said;

'You're as old as you feel'

Great, that's just added 25 years

Science

Trying to demonstrate that something was simple, my Boss said;

'It's not Rocket Science'

I know, I have a degree in Rocket Science. You clearly only have a degree in Banality.